he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
nutella sex= disaster
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
