my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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