with your own penis?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
