...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
