you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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