I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
