Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She announced her abortion via fbk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
