i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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