How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
