paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
