i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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