ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
