i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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