you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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