do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
