Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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