My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
