and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
