she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
