So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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