The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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