I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
