also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love accidental penises.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
