i always forget guys have bellybuttons
zippers are such a cool invention
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
