In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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