So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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