i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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