Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
