just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
