I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
