Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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