i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
