This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
