I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
