I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
