RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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