he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
