I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
