i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
barbara walters just said penis...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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