It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
