I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
