I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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