So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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