Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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