Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
