This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
