so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
