Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
