dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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