if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
